Falling apart, while our children watch and why it’s ok.

Tears run down my face, my heart beats fast, I try to hold it in but a BURST of sobbing comes out of the depts of my heart. Words of a broken mother and wife. Pleading to the Lord for help. Opening my heart to my creator. I don’t know how long I was praying and I forgot where I was.

I open my eyes, who where sealed with tears to see my two daughters kneeling down next to me. I quickly wipe my tears and feel embarrassed that they have heard me and seen me like this. I was so lost in the presence of God, that I didn’t feel them coming in.

“Mommy, why are you crying?”, said Evelyn (my older baby) .

I looked down and said “adults need Jesus just as much as children. We all need Jesus to heal our hearts and to help us”.

My younger daughter said ” mommy I know God gets happy when you do this.”

My eyes started to fill with humble and happy tears. Why was I embarrassed that my daughters saw me broken? I am human too. I need Jesus too. Right then I got a flash back of when I would witness my mom pray and break apart in the presence of our God, and it came to me…

I need Jesus, it’s ok to show our kids we need him. To let them see us broken and not put together all the time. 

One thing I tell my kids always is, adults need Jesus. We’re not perfect and the older we get, the more life gives us experienced that bring us to God on our knees and tears of submissiveness. I never want my child to think I’m perfect that I have it all together. That sets fear in a child of making human mistakes. When I use to see my mom cry, (we often sneeked when she would close her door to pray) I saw a human needing Jesus. She was not perfect. That helped me understand that I had someone to run to, just like my mom. That is Jesus, our sweet, sweet Jesus.

We live in a world that says we have to “have it all together”, to “trust no one” to “be tough and rough”. God calls us to be the opposite of all those things. He says Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Lord God is on me. The Lord has chosen me to tell good news to the poor and to comfort those who are sad. He sent me to tell the captives and prisoners that they have been set free”, he says, Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding”. With love he says in Proverbs 28:13-14 “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity”. And what better than for our children to see us broken and see God work in us as parents.We all suffer as mom’s and wife’s and breaking down to our God is not embarrassing. I sit and pray in my room, my daughters at times sit with me and pray, at times we cry together and sometimes they sneek in and leave.

Dear mama,

Don’t be ashamed of not having it together. We all need Jesus and letting our kids see how fragile we are touches their hearts. I know seeing my mom do it, helped me. I hope you do it too. Give your heart to Jesus and don’t harden your heart towards Gods presence and love. Don’t harden your hearts towards your children. There is no shame in showing you have a need for a savior. It’s ok to be broken. Why should we be ashamed to show our children how God can work in us? I pray the Lord helps us to raise young men and women who fear the lord. Through us, they will see the example. How beautiful is this ministry? It’s beautiful beyond words my dear friend. Its ok to be broken. We have a potter who can fix us, if we give him our hearts. 

With much love, Ana Nelson.